I was amazed at how some people can simply blurt out remarks that are directed personally to one's race. I remembered having this conversation with a student mate that day and i did not know how to react towards that.
Apparently, she was browsing through my pictures that I had over the internet and she saw me in this Traditional Malay costume. Her comments are strange. She mentioned to me that I had a "Malay Look". Perhaps this is just a normal comment made to others but it simply makes me think whether she meant it otherwise. Well, for sure, she has an Indian blood in her. I respect that indeed but having to hear comments just annoys me. What does she mean by saying that I have a Malay look? I am pretty proud about my Malay origins and what if I say she has a typical Indian look? Does that sound racists? Does that really matter if one mention about the racial origins when comes to personal facial comments?
Well, I am sure she didnt mean harm to it. It might mean that I fit in well when comes to wearing the Malay Traditional Costume. I may look photogenic in some extent. Oh well, I shall take that comment as something positive. As long as it does not sound racist to me because she is a good friend of mine, I am pretty contented. Like I used to blog before, there's not glory in discrimination one's race. It's simply a backward mentality.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Urge to Watch
At this point, I really feel like watching this movie. It somehow reminds me of something...Hmmm...Anyway, yesterday..I watched The Ghost Rider..It is a good show, one of those shows taken out from a comic magazine. I enjoyed it but my mind cannot get off the idea of wanting to watch this show....It's really going to be fun thinking about the relevance of this movie to mine. I wonder how will it end? I like the line..." Have you ever made a really big mistake?" As for me, hell YES..BIG TIME
Thursday, February 15, 2007
The Two Quarrels, The Betrayed Brotherhood and The Junkie...
It has been a long time since I started blogging and there are reasons why I have refrained myself from doing so. Perhaps it has been the most exciting time and the most depressing time for a happy story to end. It all happened within the last three weeks of January 2007.
I know, I was just too excited when I declared my love for a new girlfriend, Annie and as mentioned in my previous blog, when two brothers found love in the same place and at the same time, it is all too good to be true. Life is full of mysteries and suspense. Its just how u picked it up and throw it out one at a time and picked something new out from time to time. I had two quarrels with Annie during that period and that experiences were one of the most extraordinary, yet shocking and depressing feeling I ever had.
It all happened when I began to realize about the one sided love affair that I had with her. Of course, in the beginning I thought, it was real love. However I was fooled with the implications of her true self when it comes to reality. The first quarrel started when I refused meeting up with her on a Friday night. This was because we had met the day before and on that Friday itself, she was caught up with her company's barbecue. It does not make sense for her to meet up with me on that night as we are spending the whole Saturday and Sunday together for some occasions. In fact, on Sunday, I was supposed to accompany her to a wedding invitation before meeting her parents. It was such a splendid plan until we fought over the issue of not meeting up on Friday. Now, there are reasons why this happened. It may seem to you that Annie, is so possesively keen in going out with me regularly. Perhaps, this was just the criterias of every new relationsip but it does come with a catch...she is interested in doing other things.
Things? Well let me be more explicit. She is interested in making out with me as to overcome her past. Yes, her past...I mean, sex is normal between couples. There are those who refuse to have it till marriage. There are those who are active in it and there are those who are sex addicts. However, when you met someone whom you have presumably thought to be your life companion, sex was never in the mind. It is purely, love and passion for each other. Sex may come in a romantic experience later in due time. However, this was not the case for Annie.
She insisted to meet up with me to have sex with me on a regular basis. Hey, I am a Man. Which man doesn't want sex?? I see no problem in that but before I can commune that thought with her into some real intriguing actions, I began to find out her real truth. She is still in love with her ex-boyfriend. That leaves me to only one thing....am I the scapegoat? Am I the rebound love? Am I the replacement? Am I the figure for her to make use of? Is this whole bloody relationship worth the shot? What if when I had sex with her and she started to splurge her ex boyfriend's name? Oh that is going to smack my ego down deep to the underground.
The first quarrel ended up with her disappointment with me. The reason that I can't meet up with her is that, I have to study and prepare for my assignments which are due. Plus, I was thinking that since I am going to meet up with her on the next day, meeting up with her on Friday was just a waste of time, especially when she had to go to a company's barbecue and work the next day. What's the rush? If I can wait for sex, why couldn't she? I know why, she is thinking of her ex boyfriend and wanted to do sex with me to forget about him. This is horrendous and preposterous. To my dismay, on that Friday's night, she switched off her handphone and left me behind with a phone message that she will be out alone and somewhere. As a boyfriend, whom is already confused about this whole darn relationship, became worried indeed and of course panic soon after! I cannot reach her phone. I cannot call her but luckily, Frodo was with me on that night and I thought all will be well.
No, the trauma does not end there. Frodo is too hooked up with his girlfriend that he left me to rot in confusion and depression by abandoning me. Wow. I became paranoid. I cannot call Annie, and Frodo, my blood brother dumped me in my time of need. I scolded Frodo for being a dumpster. Leaving me behind without myself knowing what to do. I felt betrayed by friendship. In fact, I was so shocked to know that I was actually going to be dumped by Annie and I am already being dumped by my blood brother, Frodo. Now, how will I react to this?
I felt that Frodo had just thrown away my friendship for a lady whom he had just met? I have no issue in him meeting up with his girlfriend but hey, he blurted out to me before he left me that he had failed me in his friendship. I was appalled by that remark. What was he trying to do? Had he been changed by a girl? Oh my, I had never felt so dissapointed with Frodo. Perhaps, he is still a young guy and he has a lot to learn in life. Well, that is his life now..
Of course, all these happened three weeks ago. Frodo and myself seems to be broken away in friendship. I can see that he is weak in handling his girlfriend. Most of us will take it in a way that he is being controlled by his girlfriend. I am not sure but Annie did return my call later in the night and after telling her what happened between Frodo and myself, she apologized. This still seems too good to be true. We were fine on Saturday. After her work, she insisted to pick me up from the gymnasium to send me home and that meet up change my love for her to fear. Maybe I am wrong but I saw something that until now shocked me. I was told that if a lady wears some black magic charms on her looks, her real face can only be shown when her feet was revealed. She was wearing shorts and I saw her feet when I entered her car. Then. suddenly, I saw a skeleton image on her face and I was so frightened towards the journey home. She was caressing me and touching me all around while she was driving the car but I was too scared to even look at her face. In my mind, I keep asking myself, "what did I bring myself into this time?"
After sending me home and upon her arrival at her home, I rang her and we started to have our second quarrel. I began to question her real weight and her love for me. She began to admit to me that she cannot lie to me and I went beserk. What? All these times when I was with her, I was cheated?
She slammed down the phone on me and I was furious. I avoided her calls and sms soon after and all ended up with her dumping me. I was planning for that to happen actually.
Oh my...not another failed relationshiop. She was in love with her ex boyfriend and she is using black magic charms onto me. How can this be worsened further? Oh yeah...Frodo dumped my friendship too. 4 years of treating a friend like your own brother. God is really testing my me. All hopes went down the drain like a downpour falling to the ground. Did the life of Max Muchacho end at that time?
Apparently not. God is on my side. I managed to study and prepare for my tests and assignments. I make closer and newer friends, and Zeir, an old friend of mine, came back to my life and I managed to regain an old friendship that I thought I had lost previously. In fact, Zeir happened to be Annie's ex-classmate and I began to find out more lies about Annie.
My classmates have been supportive of me and this is the strangest thing. People that you thought you can count on during your time of need, disappears but other new friends came by to help instead. Of course, this is just my life. It is always made up of ups and downs and the saddest thing about this is that I am so sad to make my parents know that I had failed in another attempt in relationships. That news will just blast them back to misery. I had to keep. numb about it.
I lost a girlfriend who is playing around with my feelings and I lost a closed friend whom I thought will stick to me through thick and thin. The excruciating adventure did not end there. I met a junkie friend who wants me to follow on her path to the ultimate satisfaction of trance. I was nearly brought into this until Allah helped me out. I did not feel good about doing it and surprisingly, I was saved again.
Looking at all these issues that had fallen upon me, I knew that I am blessed by Allah. I told Annie on my last sms that may God blessed her and I told Frodo on my last sms to him that he can go off on his own without my help and I avoided the junkie on her influence. All this was done without me knowing that I am being saved by God. There are blessings in disguise after all.
Of course, the next questions will be..."Can I accept Annie back in my life?" , " Will I be friends with Frodo again?" and " Will I go astray with the junkie?" or will I be a prince and marry my dream girl later in life? This is all now in God's hands. Frodo...has made his choice..Annie couldn't make up her mind to forget her ex boyfriend...I looked up in the sky and question God. In fact, I talked to God in my prayers that I cannot find my match in life. I accept his sentence on me and I will never stop in finding true love, true brotherhood and true life.....That is my destiny until the day I die...For now, I will pursue my passion...that is to Teach and to help people in education. That is the golden treasure given to me by Allah and I will honour it, sincerely.
WallahuAlam...Only Allah knows.
I know, I was just too excited when I declared my love for a new girlfriend, Annie and as mentioned in my previous blog, when two brothers found love in the same place and at the same time, it is all too good to be true. Life is full of mysteries and suspense. Its just how u picked it up and throw it out one at a time and picked something new out from time to time. I had two quarrels with Annie during that period and that experiences were one of the most extraordinary, yet shocking and depressing feeling I ever had.
It all happened when I began to realize about the one sided love affair that I had with her. Of course, in the beginning I thought, it was real love. However I was fooled with the implications of her true self when it comes to reality. The first quarrel started when I refused meeting up with her on a Friday night. This was because we had met the day before and on that Friday itself, she was caught up with her company's barbecue. It does not make sense for her to meet up with me on that night as we are spending the whole Saturday and Sunday together for some occasions. In fact, on Sunday, I was supposed to accompany her to a wedding invitation before meeting her parents. It was such a splendid plan until we fought over the issue of not meeting up on Friday. Now, there are reasons why this happened. It may seem to you that Annie, is so possesively keen in going out with me regularly. Perhaps, this was just the criterias of every new relationsip but it does come with a catch...she is interested in doing other things.
Things? Well let me be more explicit. She is interested in making out with me as to overcome her past. Yes, her past...I mean, sex is normal between couples. There are those who refuse to have it till marriage. There are those who are active in it and there are those who are sex addicts. However, when you met someone whom you have presumably thought to be your life companion, sex was never in the mind. It is purely, love and passion for each other. Sex may come in a romantic experience later in due time. However, this was not the case for Annie.
She insisted to meet up with me to have sex with me on a regular basis. Hey, I am a Man. Which man doesn't want sex?? I see no problem in that but before I can commune that thought with her into some real intriguing actions, I began to find out her real truth. She is still in love with her ex-boyfriend. That leaves me to only one thing....am I the scapegoat? Am I the rebound love? Am I the replacement? Am I the figure for her to make use of? Is this whole bloody relationship worth the shot? What if when I had sex with her and she started to splurge her ex boyfriend's name? Oh that is going to smack my ego down deep to the underground.
The first quarrel ended up with her disappointment with me. The reason that I can't meet up with her is that, I have to study and prepare for my assignments which are due. Plus, I was thinking that since I am going to meet up with her on the next day, meeting up with her on Friday was just a waste of time, especially when she had to go to a company's barbecue and work the next day. What's the rush? If I can wait for sex, why couldn't she? I know why, she is thinking of her ex boyfriend and wanted to do sex with me to forget about him. This is horrendous and preposterous. To my dismay, on that Friday's night, she switched off her handphone and left me behind with a phone message that she will be out alone and somewhere. As a boyfriend, whom is already confused about this whole darn relationship, became worried indeed and of course panic soon after! I cannot reach her phone. I cannot call her but luckily, Frodo was with me on that night and I thought all will be well.
No, the trauma does not end there. Frodo is too hooked up with his girlfriend that he left me to rot in confusion and depression by abandoning me. Wow. I became paranoid. I cannot call Annie, and Frodo, my blood brother dumped me in my time of need. I scolded Frodo for being a dumpster. Leaving me behind without myself knowing what to do. I felt betrayed by friendship. In fact, I was so shocked to know that I was actually going to be dumped by Annie and I am already being dumped by my blood brother, Frodo. Now, how will I react to this?
I felt that Frodo had just thrown away my friendship for a lady whom he had just met? I have no issue in him meeting up with his girlfriend but hey, he blurted out to me before he left me that he had failed me in his friendship. I was appalled by that remark. What was he trying to do? Had he been changed by a girl? Oh my, I had never felt so dissapointed with Frodo. Perhaps, he is still a young guy and he has a lot to learn in life. Well, that is his life now..
Of course, all these happened three weeks ago. Frodo and myself seems to be broken away in friendship. I can see that he is weak in handling his girlfriend. Most of us will take it in a way that he is being controlled by his girlfriend. I am not sure but Annie did return my call later in the night and after telling her what happened between Frodo and myself, she apologized. This still seems too good to be true. We were fine on Saturday. After her work, she insisted to pick me up from the gymnasium to send me home and that meet up change my love for her to fear. Maybe I am wrong but I saw something that until now shocked me. I was told that if a lady wears some black magic charms on her looks, her real face can only be shown when her feet was revealed. She was wearing shorts and I saw her feet when I entered her car. Then. suddenly, I saw a skeleton image on her face and I was so frightened towards the journey home. She was caressing me and touching me all around while she was driving the car but I was too scared to even look at her face. In my mind, I keep asking myself, "what did I bring myself into this time?"
After sending me home and upon her arrival at her home, I rang her and we started to have our second quarrel. I began to question her real weight and her love for me. She began to admit to me that she cannot lie to me and I went beserk. What? All these times when I was with her, I was cheated?
She slammed down the phone on me and I was furious. I avoided her calls and sms soon after and all ended up with her dumping me. I was planning for that to happen actually.
Oh my...not another failed relationshiop. She was in love with her ex boyfriend and she is using black magic charms onto me. How can this be worsened further? Oh yeah...Frodo dumped my friendship too. 4 years of treating a friend like your own brother. God is really testing my me. All hopes went down the drain like a downpour falling to the ground. Did the life of Max Muchacho end at that time?
Apparently not. God is on my side. I managed to study and prepare for my tests and assignments. I make closer and newer friends, and Zeir, an old friend of mine, came back to my life and I managed to regain an old friendship that I thought I had lost previously. In fact, Zeir happened to be Annie's ex-classmate and I began to find out more lies about Annie.
My classmates have been supportive of me and this is the strangest thing. People that you thought you can count on during your time of need, disappears but other new friends came by to help instead. Of course, this is just my life. It is always made up of ups and downs and the saddest thing about this is that I am so sad to make my parents know that I had failed in another attempt in relationships. That news will just blast them back to misery. I had to keep. numb about it.
I lost a girlfriend who is playing around with my feelings and I lost a closed friend whom I thought will stick to me through thick and thin. The excruciating adventure did not end there. I met a junkie friend who wants me to follow on her path to the ultimate satisfaction of trance. I was nearly brought into this until Allah helped me out. I did not feel good about doing it and surprisingly, I was saved again.
Looking at all these issues that had fallen upon me, I knew that I am blessed by Allah. I told Annie on my last sms that may God blessed her and I told Frodo on my last sms to him that he can go off on his own without my help and I avoided the junkie on her influence. All this was done without me knowing that I am being saved by God. There are blessings in disguise after all.
Of course, the next questions will be..."Can I accept Annie back in my life?" , " Will I be friends with Frodo again?" and " Will I go astray with the junkie?" or will I be a prince and marry my dream girl later in life? This is all now in God's hands. Frodo...has made his choice..Annie couldn't make up her mind to forget her ex boyfriend...I looked up in the sky and question God. In fact, I talked to God in my prayers that I cannot find my match in life. I accept his sentence on me and I will never stop in finding true love, true brotherhood and true life.....That is my destiny until the day I die...For now, I will pursue my passion...that is to Teach and to help people in education. That is the golden treasure given to me by Allah and I will honour it, sincerely.
WallahuAlam...Only Allah knows.
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